Friday, April 3, 2015

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

This Started Off as a Facebook Status...

I am so grateful for my "village".  Between helpful neighbors, my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, and my ability to reach out online to friends (oh how I miss seeing them regularly in person), I am able to slog through (and yes, that is what it feels like) each day.

I had a moment of panic this afternoon, thinking I will never get to go do anything fun ever again, because who in their right mind would want to watch these three crazy beasts, but my mom keeps reminding me that they won't be this age forever.

When Dane was young, life was easy.  We went everywhere and did everything with him, even fancy restaurants.  Life changed drastically when our wild girl came along, suddenly restaurants where stressful because she would not stay seated; church felt out of the question because she would not stay quiet.  Then our little chubby mister came along, and now we are outnumbered, and he is either sleeping or wanting to nurse 90% of the day, leaving little time for anything but feeding the other kids, general upkeep on household chores, and fitting in doula appointments and paperwork on the weekends.

My body is tired, it is sore.  I look so forward to my doula work, because it is a joy to get to be a part of other people bringing their babies into the world.  But it is stressful, not knowing when I am going to get the call, and worrying it will be in the middle of the night and I will be trying to figure out childcare if Chad works the next day.  Chad is incredibly supportive, allowing me to take on volunteer clients through Open Arms in addition to paying clients.  My sister is on-call 24/7, willing to pack her three kids up at a moment's notice to come watch my three kids.  Neighbors, cousins, friends, other family have all offered to help.  But my gosh, I feel like it would be such a burden.

Perhaps not though?  Maybe I am just so thoroughly weary from spending so much time with screeching, yelling, laughing loudly, messy, demanding. always-needing-something-more children, that I can't imagine why anyone would want to take that on for even a short amount of time.  Take each one alone, and they are pretty awesome.  They are funny, smart, sweet, and a good time.  Put them together, and it is like an atomic bomb.

I miss my husband.  I miss spending time with him, and really appreciating it.  We've been on a date once in the last six months, out to dinner with our friend who was in town, and it was amazing.  It felt so good to walk, holding his hand, eating dinner at our leisure, having conversation without being interrupted a dozen times.  Evenings just don't count as quality time, because there is so much work to do.  To enjoy him we really need to be out of the house, away from our every day responsibilities.

Well, the littlest is crying now.  I guess he isn't digging his new room.  I am thinking he'll settle down though, and hopefully I can have a few more minutes to myself to sit in silence and eat my brownie (without sharing!) and drink my tea (fourth cup of the day!).

The Days Are Long, But The Years Are Short ~ Children Quote