It's been 2 1/2 months since I posted, and chances are pretty good it will be that long until my next post. I have a hundred things that could each be their own post, but a bulleted list will have to do:
In exciting news, Q is potty trained! I stand by my theory that it is better to go all in even if it turns out they aren't ready, because when they decide they are ready the foundation has been laid and it is easy. A few days after Easter (at which their was some peer pressure from her 5 year old cousin) Q woke up one morning and said she wanted to use the potty (wanted is the key word since she is even more stubborn than Dane), so she did. And that was that. She even happily did number two that day when I waved a piece of chocolate in front of her face (it's the one thing that motivates her in life). It has been so insanely easy, I almost forget what it was like just a month ago when I had two in cloth diapers. I am envisioning a diaper free life in just another year or so!
We've continued to bust our asses working on house projects. New floors, trim, tons of yard work (all done by Chad), got the hot tub operation (yowza that wasn't a fun bill to pay), whitewashing the cedar wall and installing floating shelves in the family room, purchasing some throw rugs and other decor, setting up a new barbeque on the cliff deck, installing the electric fireplace we bought several months ago, and we will soon furnish that room so we have somewhere to sit while staring at said fireplace. We are madly in love with this house. And the yard? A child's dream. This is my current view:
Digging a hole. Endless hours of entertainment.
Kepler is developing at lightning fast speed. He is starting to talk more every day, though I don't think anyone but me can understand him. He is so expressive and loving, I am really eating him up right now. He sleeps through the night 9 out of 10 times, so that is helpful. Now I just need to other two to stop randomly getting up.
Bailey continues to drive me absolutely insane. She follows me around staring at me, and I don't find it endearing in the least. The sound of her nails on the floor makes me crazy (I swear I have misophonia) I feel guilty for not wanting her, and wonder if I will feel bad when she is gone someday, yet I feel like I don't have the capacity to give her the constant attention she wants from me. It feels like when you are getting to know someone and realize you don't want the relationship to continue but they don't get the point and keep harassing you. I wonder if one day when I am really old if my children will sit me in a chair and feed me and take care of changing my Depends, but not give me any other love, and it will all be karma for me not loving the dog. It is a major cause of stress in my life.
Chad has been working hard at his job, and working hard to leave the stress there when he is home. There is no rest for the weary though, because when he gets home there is the house projects and kids and all that jazz. I really never ends. He got he first paddle boarding of the season in the other day though, which makes for a very happy guy. He has been assistant coaching Dane's soccer team, he's so handsome when he's having fun out on the practice field.
Dane is continuing to do well in school. He is reading everything now, which is so fun and helpful. His teacher suggested we have him tested for the highly capable program, so after much hesitation, we did, but he wasn't accepted this year. But hey, I didn't get into it in kindergarten either, it wasn't until second grade that I was creative enough, or at least smart enough to game the test ;-) He started soccer a few weeks ago and had his first game yesterday. I am actually quite impressed with his soccer skills, I credit Chad for spending lots of time practicing with him. I am still struggling with Dane and his attitude. He is so much like me, dang it! I know from experience that it is hard being the oldest of three, He is expected to "know better", and he does, but he is only six! I think part of the reason I am feeling so connected to Kepler these days is because I remember when Dane was his age and how easy it was then when Dane's only care in the world was being with us and having fun. I guess I am clinging to that with Kep, knowing it will end soon. And I am mourning how easy it was when it was just Chad and me with our little Dane, going anywhere we wanted. Now our days are spent with me trying desperately to get Dane and Quinley to stop wrestling because within minutes it turns into her screeching her horrible velociraptor screech. Nails on a chalkboard, people. Then of course she turns around and does the same thing to Kepler, who comes crying to me. It is an endless cycle of noise in this house. Ugh.
Okay, so I guess that leaves me. My HR job is going well. There are struggles, but my co-workers and I keep it real, and they make it worth going for my 20 hours per week. My doula clients' babies have been very cooperative and I have only missed my HR job for one birth, the rest of the babes have come on my off days. Doula-ing is going great, I am really enjoying serving the mamas and their partners, and it is so rewarding to help them through such a transformative time. Being on call is hard, but gets easier each time as I learn to relax more. I had a huge disappointment since my certification with the local doula organization is delayed, and I am working through that confusion, frustration, and self doubt juxtaposed with the knowledge that I provide my clients with great service. I had planned on holding off on certifying through the international doula organization, DONA, but I spent the last week working hard to get my packet complete, re-working my essays to reflect more precisely what I do for my clients. I should hear back from them within two months. Fingers crossed big time on that. Just having the packet sent in raises a huge weight off my shoulders.
With all the work on the house, working my HR job, and doula-ing, along with the whole having three kids and a husband thing, I have hardly spent any time with friends. It is hard to put myself out there because everyone else is busy too. I have a comedy show I really wanted to go to though, so I emailed (FB messaged) a few friends from high school, and now a group of us are all meeting up for dinner and the show. I am beyond excited to see them all and to connect in real life since I have only seen them a handful of times in the last, OMG, sixteen years.
Our backyard is really ideal for summer barbecues, so I am really hoping to take advantage of that and have people over every weekend. My inlaws bought the kids a huge playset for the yard, and that will be going in over the next few weekends. On hot days we turn the hot tub down, and it acts as a nice heated, but not too hot pool to play in. We've really been taking advantage of that.
Looking in on my life from the outside, it looks pretty damn good. But I still struggle with wanting to lie in bed in the morning much later than the kids, Chad, and my job will allow. I yell way too much at the kids. My blood pressure goes through the roof whenever the dog barks or escapes out the front door and makes me run four freaking blocks to catch her. Chad and I fight alot over stupid stuff like who is doing more work around the house. This is life though, right? Sometimes, okay, alot of the time, I just wish it was a little easier!